


I Have The Best of Intentions (The Taste of Blood in Your Mouth)

by sleep_and_feel_no_pain



Category: Slipknot, Stone Sour
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Job, Developing Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Forced Orgasm, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Jealousy, M/M, Making Love, Multiple Orgasms, Obsessive Behavior, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn with Feelings, Possessive Behavior, Relationship Study, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 16:45:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16538375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleep_and_feel_no_pain/pseuds/sleep_and_feel_no_pain
Summary: Corey’s one effed up mess, but he wants to give Jim what he wants. What they both want...?





	I Have The Best of Intentions (The Taste of Blood in Your Mouth)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [You'll Be The Death Of Me (I'll Die, But Not For You)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12660039) by [Synnerxx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx). 



> This is a companion piece to Synnerxx’s piece, “You’ll Be The Death of Me (I’ll Die But Not For You)”. Told from Corey’s POV this time. 
> 
> Hope it lives up to the first piece.

“I love you.”

Corey watches Jim hunch down in the corner of the balcony patio, watches his entire frame shrink a good inch or two, and frowns. Jim’s not looking at him; he’s looking out over the lights of the city, twinkling like stars in the distance. Corey squints at him, the three words on his tongue again to spit them out, when Jim finally speaks. 

“You don’t love me.”

It’s said so plainly, so easily, that Corey’s sure he’s misunderstood. His heart speeds up a little bit in his chest, but he ignores it for the moment. He can’t let himself be thrown off his game here. “What’re you talking about? I just said I did.”

“No, you love me when it’s convenient for you. When you aren’t getting what you need from Joey. When you want attention. That’s when you love me. But you don’t love me any other time. So you don’t really love me.”

Jim’s still yet to look at him, and it’s bugging the fuck out of Corey. He needs to see him, needs to be able to see his eyes, to really read him. The speed of his heartbeat is now accompanied by an ache that settles deep in his chest as Jim’s words sink in. The cool calmness of Jim’s tone is in such direct contrast to the way they rattle around in the space between his ears like gravel in a bucket. 

He covers the visceral reaction easily though, a derisive roll of his eyes as he leans his head back, leveling a gaze at Jim’s profile. “That’s not true.”

Jim’s quiet for just a beat, long fingers tapping the ash away from the end of his cigarette. The motion attracts Corey’s eyes, since it’s the only movement Jim makes, so he misses it when Jim glances briefly at him with his next words. “Sure, it is.” 

Corey’s eyes snap back to Jim’s face, the ache in his chest growing a bit more intense as the seconds tick by. Maybe it’s the complete lack of hope in Jim’s voice. The way Jim thinks he has him all figured out, and has already made peace with something that’s not even true. Not really, anyway. So, maybe he hasn’t always been the most kind. Okay, okay... maybe he’s a complete asshole of the worst kind sometimes, even. But there shouldn’t be anything he’s done that’s that bad. Not that puts that look of complete resignation on Jim’s face, puts such a tone of complete defeat in his voice, and in the slump of his shoulders. 

Corey swallows hard, hoping Jim doesn’t notice. “Why do you think I don’t love you?” His eyes glue themselves to Jim’s face as Jim fidgets a bit. 

Jim’s head dips for a moment. “I suppose that’s the wrong way to put it.” Jim glances at Corey again, before looking back down. “You love me in the only way you know how. Rather, you don’t love me in a way I want you to.” Long fingers ash his cigarette again, but this time Corey doesn’t look.

“How am I supposed to love you, then?” Corey’s eyes furrow, and the frown deepens on his face. He thought he’d been doing a better job lately. He’s been trying, anyway. He’s been trying to pay more attention to Jim’s feelings, and, and... okay, maybe things were easier when they’d been out with Stone Sour on tour, and it’s been nothing but drama and chaos since SlipKnoT has reconvened to record, and they’d been around Joey again and all that comes with it.... okay, okay. Maybe he has been a dick. Corey stands up a bit straighter, refocusing on Jim. No worries. It’s okay. He can fix this. 

Jim’s face turns back to look over the city lights again, smoking his cigarette in silence for a few minutes before answering him again. Corey hates when he does that. It gives Corey’s lizard brain just enough time to run wild with scenarios. Maybe Jim does it on purpose. He’s not really sure. It doesn’t really seem like a Jim thing to do. But maybe?

“You don’t love me the same way I love you.” Jim’s voice, still soft and calm, cuts the silence again.

It feels so much like an accusation. Like a single, echoing round fired at the beginning of a gunfight. A small shot of adrenaline hits Corey’s blood, and he tenses just a bit, sensing they may be about to argue. “Is this about Joey?” 

Jim doesn’t look at him, but he can see the way Jim’s shoulders tighten even in the minimal light of the balcony. “No.” 

Corey’s eyebrow arches, and he starts to protest, but Jim’s voice follows up before he can do so. Much softer, breathed out almost like a sigh. “I don’t know. Maybe.” Corey sees Jim glance at him, barely turning his head, mostly looking at him out of the corner of his eyes in his usual Jim-esque manner. Completely unsure of himself.

It’s almost more than Corey can bare. The wind dies in his sails almost immediately, and with it, the fire of the fight in his veins. That’s the wrong way to handle this, Corey realizes. His feet shuffle a bit on the concrete as he edges towards Jim, his voice coming out much softer than usual. Much more gentle. “How am I supposed to love you? What do you want?” His eyes widen, giving them a bit more of an innocent, pleading look. 

But it doesn’t work, because Jim doesn’t look back at him. He just continues to smoke his cigarette. Corey watches the almost-mechanical movement of Jim’s forearm as it moves to raise and lower the slender white stick to his mouth repeatedly, the clouds of smoke hovering in the nearly-still night, almost obscuring Jim’s face completely from his view. 

_Ohhh, it’s one of those nights_. Corey watches as Jim turns inward on himself, Jim’s green eyes almost black in the dim light as he drifts away to another world. 

Corey feels another shot of adrenaline, but this time, it’s for an entirely different reason. It’s one of those nights where it’s entirely possible that Jim will show him the door. Jim’s drifting further and further away, and he can see doubt and uncertainty cutting harsh lines along Jim’s facial features between the thick exhales of smoke. Oh, no. No. We can’t do this. Something drastic has to happen, Corey knows. Maybe something even... _radical_.

Corey steps up to Jim, inserting himself back into Jim’s vision, and thus bringing Jim back to the moment, as he reaches to tug the half-burned cigarette from Jim’s fingers, stamping it with the toe of his Converse. Corey’s hands raise again, and splay across Jim’s chest, pushing lightly. Jim doesn’t hesitate or resist. Corey knew he wouldn’t, not when he’s taking control like this. He looks up into Jim’s face, searching Jim’s eyes as Jim finally meets his gaze. 

He can see how much this conversation, or... almost conversation or whatever it is... has already affected Jim. He can see the indifference Jim tries hard to hold fast to, but just barely beneath the surface, he can clearly see the sorrow in the dark of those eyes. The heartache. Something else, there, too, and Corey isn’t entirely sure what that is. Something that makes his heart thrum a nervous rhythm in the cage of his ribs. 

Corey doesn’t dare look too far into it, whatever it is. It looks way too much like _goodbye_ , and Corey can’t have that. No, no, _no_. His hands reach up, tangling deep into Jim’s hair, tugging him down as he rises up, meeting Jim in a kiss. 

And he’s careful. So, so careful to keep the kiss soft and sweet, concentrating on how much pressure he puts into it, how his tongue gently caresses along the seam of Jim’s lips until Jim gives into him, their heads both tilting to deepen the kiss.

His free hand comes up to caress Jim’s cheek, his touch tender, kind. He’s gotta somehow show Jim that he’s worthy of this. That Jim can’t leave, that he can do this. Even if he doesn’t exactly know what _this_ is. Even if _this_ is some half-formed idea in the back of his head.

Corey breaks the kiss gently, staying close, their breath mingling together as he holds onto Jim, not pulling away. His voice comes out softer than usual, and he’s surprised to hear how much emotion comes out with the words. “I do love you, okay? I do. Maybe it doesn’t make much sense to you, or maybe it’s not how you’re supposed to love someone, but I love you. As best as I know how.”

And he’s sort-of surprised to feel the leap in his chest when the words finish; surprised to realize with some sort of crystal-clarity all of a sudden that... _oh crap, that’s really the truth_. It’s not just a joke, it’s not just as a substitution, it’s real and it’s there and it’s... 

Corey’s thought-train derails itself before he can let it run completely away. Jim’s nodding. Jim’s cheek is pushing into his hand like a lonely kitten seeking assurance and he knows now that he has him. He has Jim eating out of his hand now, and he can relax just a little. He’s out of the danger-zone. Jim’s not gonna put him out. 

Corey allows himself just a small, almost non-existent sigh of relief, the shiver working its way through his body making him press closer to Jim as he finds Jim’s lips again in a kiss. And Jim trembles against him, so he must be hitting all the right buttons as he allows some of the swirling emotions to slide out into the kiss. Jim’s hands coming up to fist in his shirt as the kiss continues for long moments, and he has him now. _Has him_.

The kiss breaks again, and Corey smiles at Jim. A soft, genuine smile, not a smirk like he normally would; a real smile as his hand laces with Jim’s and he leads him inside the hotel room without another word. Not yet. Not just yet.

He takes his time as his hands peel Jim’s clothes away, sliding over lines and curves, over skin soft and silky, just the faintest splattering of hair over Jim’s pecs as his hands run gently over them. Jim’s silent now, his eyes hooded when Corey looks up into his face, but he can still see Jim’s eyes. Dark and full of emotion. The look in those green pools makes Corey shiver again as he finishes tugging off the remainder of Jim’s clothes, guiding Jim back to lay down on the bed behind him.

Corey works his own clothes off quickly, anxious to get into the thick of things now. Jim’s still looking at him, still silent, though the flush along Jim’s pale skin and the twitch of Jim’s cock against his stomach tells him just how into things Jim still is. Corey crawls over him, his arms trembling just a little as he braces himself over Jim’s body beneath him, just hovering there, just close enough to feel one another’s body heat, but not quite touching. He lowers his head, pausing just a hair away from Jim’s lips, making Jim whimper softly in discontent.

 _Come on, Jamie._

Jim doesn’t disappoint him, never disappoints him. He raises his head to seal their lips together, and this time the kiss is pure heat. Corey moans softly into the kiss as he lowers himself over Jim, pressing bare skin to bare skin, the heat of their bodies pressing together working its way into Corey’s core, and Jim’s calloused fingertips making their way over his back makes his hips rock into him gently, cocks throbbing one against the other.

Corey’s lips travel down over Jim’s neck, nipping with careful teeth, a red welt drawn to the surface over Jim’s pulse point as Corey applies pressure. The jolt of Jim’s body beneath him makes need claw at Corey’s insides, and his eyes slide open, inspecting the darkened patch marring the perfect pale skin with satisfaction, his voice soft and breathless when he asks his question: “What do you want?”

“You.” The word is simple, easy, and Jim’s eyes meet his own when he lifts his head.

“I can feel that...” Corey’s hips punctuate the statement with a firm push forward, and Jim’s whispered gasp of _”Oh, fuck”_ make him smile faintly. “I can fuck you if you want. Or...” His head dips again, soothing the mark above Jim’s pulse point, the feel of Jim’s heart thrumming against his sensitive lips sending a thrill down his spine.

“Or what?” Jim doesn’t let him down, once again, playing right into his hands, the words breathed out between soft panting breaths.

“Or... I can show you how much you mean to me,” Corey’s head raises, meeting Jim’s eyes, making damned sure to widen his eyes just a bit once more, making them look more innocent, more sincere. 

Corey watches as Jim’s Adam’s Apple bobs a couple of times, and a soft, stuttering breath breaks the silence. Nothing more; Jim is silent. Struck by whatever he’s seeing in his eyes. Nodding slowly. 

_Yes, good._

Corey smiles. Lets Jim see how pleased he is with his answer. “Good. I wanted to do that.”

His hands slide gently over Jim’s body, going to work on him, pressing soft kisses along his heated skin as his hands caress reverently, feeling goosebumps rise across Jim’s skin. He looks up at Jim, sensing how tense Jim is suddenly, and his heart throbs in his chest for a moment, hating that he’s somehow managed to twist Jim up so completely that Jim can’t even seem to enjoy this. And that’s all he wants. He wants Jim to enjoy this.

Corey leans down, his touches still gentle, and he kisses Jim lovingly, letting it linger, feeling Jim follow him into it. But... something’s not right. Something is holding Jim back, and _no_ , he can’t have that. He’s gotta fix that.

He breaks the kiss, staring at Jim for a long moment as his hands slide over his chest and ribs, trailing down over his stomach. And Jim’s responsive, but he’s not... he’s not present. He’s not _there_ , and Corey needs him _there_ if this is going to work. 

Gentle hands tap along Jim’s cheek, his voice soft, careful not to break the spell by sounding accusatory. “Hey, you okay? You went somewhere else there for a minute.”

Jim’s breath audibly catches in his throat, and Corey feels a wispy cloud of fear obscure his heart at the way Jim looks at him. Is he changing his mind? Just a moment ago, he’d had his full attention. “Jamie?” His fingers stroke tenderly over his cheek, Jim’s facial hair scraping it softly. _Come back to me._

Another gulp makes Jim’s throat muscles bob, but relief drives away the cloud across Corey’s heart when Jim’s voice breaks the silence. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? You were really far away. Where did you go?” There’s a quivering note of the leftover fear coloring Corey’s words, and he has to cover that. His hands find Jim’s, lacing their fingers as he pushes Jim’s hands to the pillow next to his head. 

There’s still heat between them, and Corey can’t help but press against Jim gently, rocking his hips just enough to make their cocks throb together. Corey starts to lean his head to kiss Jim again before Jim is suddenly speaking.

“Do you really love me or is this some kind of pity thing? Has it always been some kind of pity thing? Because if it is, you can stop. I don’t want your pity. I’m not that pathetic. I can handle you not really wanting me. That’s fine. I just don’t want your pity. You can be with just Joey.”

Corey freezes. Can feel his heart pause, maybe he can feel the blood in his veins freeze for just a moment while the words Jim said sink into his mind. One word echoing. _Pity._

And isn’t it weird that Jim chose that word, out of all the words in the entire English language that he could have chosen? _Pity_ , the very same word and feeling he’d always feared of himself. That people around him didn’t truly care. That they just saw how fucked up he was, how broken and despicable and fractured he was and they just couldn’t help but want to fix him somehow. To take him and hold him close, smooth away his rough edges, file them down and fit them back together so maybe he can be a better version of himself. 

Jim’s squirming when he derails the train again, his head tossing back and forth a bit on the pillow. Corey looks down at him, and squeezes his hands firmly, his voice a bit harder than he means it to be when he speaks the two words: “Be still.”

Jim freezes beneath him, staring up at him like a deer caught in headlights. Corey can read the fear backlighting his green eyes clearly. His mind churns, stomach tightening a bit as the words find their way over his tongue without his even rehearsing them in his head. “I don’t pity you. Why would I? I don’t pity anyone and I certainly don’t do the pity fuck anymore. You know me better than that. Jamie, I do love you. Maybe, maybe it’s not a normal person’s definition of love or I don’t act how I’m supposed to with someone you love, but I love you. The only way I know how to love you. It’s not pity and it never was. It’s not because Joey and I are on again - off again. It’s never been about mine and Joey’s thing. Our thing has always been about us.” 

Corey meets Jim’s eyes as he finishes, their gazes locking, and he can see Jim frantically trying to digest what he’d just said. Hell, he was trying to digest it himself. He hasn’t meant to go on a tirade of sorts. But... here they were. Corey resists the urge to cover up his own vulnerabilities. He’s not so very used to being so open and honest with Jim in this way. Sure, he loves Jim. Of course he does. Doesn’t he? His mind whirls, but he holds fast to the thought, to the feelings it brings. 

Wants them to be true. Wants to feel it for real. Is it real? What is happening? He pushes it all away. He can’t do this right now. It’ll all be okay. He meets Jim’s lips again, kissing him deeply, feels Jim squirm and move against him with a soft whine.

And this, he can do. He can make Jim feel good. He’s good at that, at least, even if he’s not good at... he clamps down on the thought. Not now.

His hands slide down over Jim’s arms, tracing his body again, kissing his way down onto Jim’s chest, and already he can tell that Jim has gone away again. It annoys him on a base level, makes him feel he’s not doing a good enough job, but more than that it _hurts_. It makes him feel like Jim isn’t even interested in him trying to show him he can do this. That he can be what he wants. 

He has to somehow show him.

Corey slicks his fingers with the lube from the side table, pushing Jim’s legs apart and trailing his fingertips over Jim’s entrance. He feels Jim’s body give a more intense shudder, and his fingers push into Jim’s body, head bowing to tongue along the underside of his cock before he glances up at Jim’s face. “There you are. You went away again.” Jim’s cock throbs against his lips when he speaks, and the whine Jim lets out makes his own cock twitch with need. 

“S-sorry.” Jim’s voice is breathless, and he feels him tense a bit as he stretches his arms up to grasp the headboard with long fingers. 

Corey makes a face, choosing deliberately to not verbally answer, but he does give Jim a sharp nip to his hip to warn him to stay present this time, before he closes his mouth around his cock, fingers starting to work him over as his head bobs over Jim’s cock, pushing another finger inside of him after a moment.

And it’s so easy. He knows every nook and cranny, he knows every button he has to push to get Jim purring beneath him, to work him up to the brink and make him burn with need. The noises Jim makes are like a symphony, every nuance of his voice meaning something profound, all leading up to the precipice. Every noise, every sigh, every grunt as Corey swallows Jim’s cock down over and over again making him need Jim just as much. His fingers splay wider and wider, sweeping over Jim’s sweet spot until he has Jim positively buzzing against the mattress.

His head rises with an obscene pop, fingers leaving Jim’s body, and he can’t help but smirk at how ruined Jim looks for him. “You ready?”

Jim’s eyes meet his own, darker than before, glassy now. “Please...”

Corey’s fingers trail gently over Jim’s thigh, a surge of unexpected protectiveness flowing over him. “Don’t worry. I’m going to take care of you.”

He rises up to his knees, grabbing the lube up again as he meets Jim’s eyes, a silent command for Jim to watch him passing between them as he slicks his cock up, gasping, his mouth falling open with a soft moan as his hand moves slowly over his dripping length. He holds it up with one hand around the base, showing it off to Jim, the flushed, purple head glistening in the soft light of the hotel room.

Finally having enough of that, he shifts, reaching down to grip Jim’s legs and help him hitch them over his hips, growling softly as it’s a bit awkward as always with how long and lanky Jim’s legs are. But he manages to get them situated, his hand finding its way back to wrap around the base of his cock and guide it to Jim’s opening, sliding it through the slickness there a few times to watch the way Jim tenses and shudders for him. Jim presses down against him eagerly, and Corey sighs softly in pleasure, pushing his hips forward slowly, slowly. 

He can feel the way Jim trembles beneath him as he works his cock into him as slow as he possibly can, as slow as his patience will allow, feeling Jim’s muscles stretching open and clenching down around him like a velvet glove, making him moan and tense himself, his cock giving strong pulses that signal his impending release. 

Corey stills once he’s all the way inside, giving himself a moment to let the feeling back away before he braces himself over Jim and starts to move, rocking his hips slowly and firmly, taking as much time and care as he possibly can to make this as good for Jim as he can. Their bodies press together as he kisses Jim again, soft and sweet and loving, his hands sliding up and down his body as they move together.

And for once, he lets himself slide down into the same place he lets himself go with Joey, only with Joey... and he finds it’s not bad at all with Jim. Their bodies move as one, hips rocking into one another again, and again, and again, moans mingling in the silence of the room as they explore this newfound depth of feeling between them. 

And yet, he can still feel that Jim is drifting away from him again. And it hurts even worse this time, when he’s doing his absolute best this time to make this real for Jim, when he’s letting himself go farther with Jim than he’s ever allowed himself to go before... and tears sting behind his eyes because maybe he has damaged Jim so badly now that he’ll never trust him in this way? He sucks marks on Jim’s neck, on his collarbone, but Jim still seems so far away, and he bites him this time, making Jim jolt beneath him.

“Am I boring you? Should I stop? Leave you here?” There’s annoyance in his voice now, annoyance and irritation, to cover up the hurt. To drive the tears back to where they’d come from. He can’t let them fall. 

“N-no...” 

Jim sounds a bit upset now, and he can’t help but soften again, his hips working harder and faster now, “Stay with me, hmm? You get lost in your head too much. I want you here with me.” Corey can hear the longing in his own voice, hear it clear as day, and he can tell that Jim hears it too because when next he looks at Jim, he can see the wetness at the seams of his eyes as Jim squeezes them shut. 

He doesn’t call attention to them, though, choosing instead to let Jim think he hadn’t noticed as he works his hips harder, faster, his hand pinning Jim’s wrists above his head as his other hand moves down to pinch his nipples, teasing them into hardened peaks as Jim bucks his hips beneath him, helping him fuck into him, the angle of his hips perfect as he nails Jim’s sweet spot every time he drives forward.

Corey growls softly, his cock throbbing hard inside of Jim, sensing how close Jim is by the tense and release of his muscles around him. He leans forward, breathing into Jim’s ear with a soft purr, “You close, baby? You gonna come for me, Jamie? Huh? Come for me.”

He moves his mouth down and bites down on Jim’s pulse point right as he feels Jim’s body jerk beneath him, his hot seed spreading over his stomach as Jim’s muscles spasm around him. Jim’s writhing beneath him, the sights and sounds and feelings so perfect that Corey has to stop moving completely and hold his breath, tense, trying hard to hold back his own release as Jim’s muscles threaten to wring his orgasm from him anyway. 

He manages, just barely; his muscles staying tense on top of Jim’s body until he feels him stop moving, sinking breathless into the bed under him. He growls softly to himself, starting to move again, hand clenching around Jim’s wrists as his hips rock into Jim again, drawing a startled sound from Jim’s throat. 

“I’m not done with you yet, Jamie.” Corey’s hips move faster, push harder, his hand leaving Jim’s wrists and reaching down to grip Jim’s thigh as he leans their bodies just a bit so he can use the leverage to drive into Jim again and again, the sounds Jim makes for him this time driving him firmly toward the edge again. And this time, when he feels Jim’s body spasm helplessly against the mattress beneath him, he allows himself to follow, thrusting hard twice more before his whole body arches, his release hitting with all the strength of a freight train as he comes with a stuttered breath that makes his lungs burn, light exploding behind his closed eyelids at the powerful pleasure that brings tears slipping down his cheeks, his cock pulsing as he fills Jim with his hot seed. His hand releases its death grip on Jim’s thigh, subconsciously smoothing over it to soothe the ache his grip had no doubt caused, as they slowly float back down to earth together. 

Corey relaxes against Jim, not moving, just listening to the harsh sounds of their breath as they both struggle to regain their bearings, his head pressed to Jim’s chest. He can hear the thundering of Jim’s heartbeat, matching his own, neither one of them inclined to move just yet.

Finally, he shifts, pulling himself free of Jim’s body with a soft hiss, and he forces himself to grab tissues to clean them both off, doing the best he can before he tosses them away and lays down again, beside Jim, a contented sigh escaping as he relaxes. 

“What’re you doing?”

The soft, uncertain timbre of Jim’s voice almost makes him laugh, but he holds it in, knowing that that would undermine what he’s trying to do here. He doesn’t want Jim to feel ridiculed. Wants, somehow, to make him see that he’s serious about this. “Laying down. Gonna cuddle you in a second.” 

He looks at Jim’s face for his reaction to this, and meets Jim’s perplexed stare. He can’t help the soft sigh that leaves him at this. “I’m trying, okay? I really am.” He meets Jim’s eyes, seeing the disbelief there.

“Because Joey’s pissed at you?”

There’s no malice in Jim’s tone, but the words still slice through the soft underbelly of his emotions. He’d tried, really tried, and all Jim can do still is doubt him. Corey can’t help his frown, can’t help the hurt that comes to his eyes at the accusation. Even if it wasn’t really an accusation. Even though it is all his own fault, for the things he’s done to cause it. 

“No. Because I love you. I told you, this has nothing to do with Joey. This is about me and you and how I’ve treated you, knowing how you feel about me. I know I’ve been a real dick, okay? But I’m really trying to make up for it. I know I can’t undo it and that you probably hate me at least a little, but I can do this. I can try.” Corey meets Jim’s eyes, watches as Jim searches them, really searches them, hoping he finds whatever it is that will convince him that he’s telling the truth. 

“What are we going to do?” Jim’s question is soft, but there is a weight to the words this time that tells him Jim is reevaluating things. Redefining what their relationship is and what it means. And once again, Corey knows. He has him. He’s turning the tide, however slowly. _He can do this._

“About what?” Corey asks, his eyebrow raising for emphasis. Wanting clarification. Wanting Jim to spell it all out for him. 

“About this. About us. You and Joey always fall back together eventually. That’s how it’s always been and how it always will be. And I know you love him more.” Corey can hear the pain in Jim’s voice, can see it in his eyes, can see the fear and uncertainty swimming there in their depths. He still doesn’t trust this. But Corey still can feel the tide turning. Can feel Jim’s desire, now, to cast himself free from his doubts and fears, and just trust him. Trust this. 

“What do you want to do about it?” He raises himself up on his elbow and looks at Jim. _Ball’s in your court, Jamie._

He watches as a million emotions play over Jim’s face, and he knows that this won’t be easy for Jim. This is something of his own creation, and he has wounded Jim so many times now that he knows it’s not going to be an easy thing to move close to him again. Maybe, once, it would have been. But not anymore. 

But that doesn’t stop him from realizing that he does want to try. Maybe it won’t work. Maybe Jim is right and this is just something that they will cycle through over and over again until they destroy one another - him, Jim, and Joey all hell-bent on a path to destruction. But something’s happened to him tonight. Something new and different, and he wants to give this a chance. A real chance, not like all the others before them.

He leans down and kisses Jim, after a moment. Closes his eyes and throws himself headlong over that cliff, into unknown territory with Jim for the first time, and he lets out every emotion he’s ever felt for Jim into the kiss. When the kiss breaks, he presses their foreheads together, breathing the same breath. “I love you. I do. I really, really love you.”

And for once, there isn’t a half-truth. It’s real. His heart thrums along a bit faster with the realization. _I love you._

“I love you, too. I want this. Even if it ends badly, I want this.” A lone tear seeps out from under Jim’s lashes, sliding down his cheek, and Corey makes a soft sound, brushing it away with a gentle smile. 

“I was hoping you would. I wanna be better to you. Give you what you deserve.” Corey lays down, cuddling close to Jim with a contented sigh, his hands gently rubbing the tension out of Jim’s body until he relaxes and cuddles into him as well. 

Silence creeps over them, both of them tired from the physical activity and the heavy emotions that have passed between them. Corey knows that Jim is still running all of this over in his mind; he can hear the wheels of Jim’s brain churning as they lay there, breathing the same breath, cuddled impossibly close, bare skin pressed together.

It’s strange, Corey realizes, that in all this time they’ve been together, he’s never felt as close to Jim as he does right now. He only wishes that he hadn’t done some of the things he’d done, so Jim could relax and just enjoy what’s happened between them. And that’s through no fault of Jim’s. It’s been all his own. 

No matter. He’ll just have to work extra hard to try to make up for the things he’s done. He tries to shove the sudden thought of Joey away as it makes itself known, loudly, in the forefront of his mind. _No, that’s done now. Joey doesn’t love me. Jim does. I can love him. I can. I do._

“You’re so lost in your head tonight,” Corey says, more to push the thought of Joey away than to really know what Jim’s thinking. Because he knows what he’s thinking, already. Knows the elephant in the room is still there, despite all his promises tonight. Knows Jim knows that the ghost of Joey won’t go that easily. 

“Us. About how this will work between us.” Jim says, softly, after a minute.

“Yeah. I know. I can feel that you’re worried. You’ve tensed up a lot. But look, we’ll figure everything out together. I promise.” Corey’s fingertips trace over Jim’s arm softly, the words echoing inside of his brain. _I’m worried, too._

Jim relaxes after another minute, sighing softly. “Okay.”

“We’ll be okay. We’ve got each other and we’ll work together, and we’ll be okay.” _Joey’s through with me. And I love you. I do._

Jim cuddles closer to him, and Corey holds him tighter. “I want this to work,” Jim whispers softly. 

“I do too. And we’ll make it work as best we can.” Corey keeps petting Jim, focusing on reassuring him. It’ll be all right. Somehow. It’s gotta be. _You’re my only chance._

“Yeah. We will.” Jim smiles softly at him, and this time, Corey can see the hope in his eyes. It buoys his heart, makes him feel like he’s making the right choice. This’ll be better. For both of them. 

He leans to kiss Jim softly, letting it linger, enjoying the intimacy between them before he settles down with Jim, his eyes closing to turn himself over into the arms of Sleep.

_This time it’s real. It’s just gotta be. You’re my only hope._


End file.
